Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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