I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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