when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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