OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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