i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
