I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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