I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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