I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
