no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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