Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
