honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
