Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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