I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ladies don't puke and tell
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
