Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
smell my finger.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
