we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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