The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The best revenge is premature balding
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
