Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
