I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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