The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
