my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everclear isn't food dammit
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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