We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
