pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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