Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
