If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
