so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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