My sheets look like a crime scene.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
