I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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