how can u be prego again
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
