Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
