So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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