pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
