I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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