i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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