I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
