He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
