toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
