It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
