my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
