Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
