Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
