Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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