I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
