did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is Oprah even human
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
