I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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