never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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