He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
