are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
