I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
