he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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