careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
