I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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