Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
