Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
